I’m so very scared and excited at the same time.
We’re in all probability moving into our own place in less than a month.
I think he ordered an engagement ring for me. I saw him on what I think was a purchase confirmation page on Kay’s website yesterday. And I keep telling him “I know what your secret is,” and he just smiles at me and kisses me, effectively distracting me.
I… Wow. So many emotions.
I can’t believe it, on one hand. This man really wants to marry me. This man I’ve been dating for 7 months now, and living with for 5. He loves me that much. He can see himself looking at me as I walk down the aisle to him, holding children that grew inside of me for 9 months as a result of his loving seed, growing old with me - weathering the triumphs and tribulations, the celebrations and arguments, the gains and the losses. He wants me to stand by him.
This is such a big deal. I can’t even wrap my head around it.
Of course, I could be wrong. But we’ve been talking about it for quite a while now and he’s been asking what kind of ring I’ve wanted and stuff, and what my size was.
HE WANTS ME. And all the shit that comes with me: the emotional issues, the family issues, everything… Everything. He wants me in spite of all that.
I guess we’ll see in a couple of weeks.
Life is complex.
I haven’t done my pile of tarot readings that I said I’d do a week ago. For that, my dear followers, I am deeply sorry. My emotions have been all over the place lately and I haven’t felt like I could do them with a clear head and do them justice. I feel okay right now, and I could do them, but Boyfriend is now trying to sleep and I don’t want to disturb him by shuffling cards. I don’t know how I’ll feel in the morning, what with my mercurial emotions, so I don’t want to make any promises, either.
I’m really, really, really sorry. I’ve sucked lately. Shit has been really up and down. Boyfriend and I have been freaking out because he could lose his job, but we won’t know for sure for another month or so. Massive sigh.
I’ve been trying to get a job and failing. I thought I had gotten that last job I went in to interview for, but apparently they “found someone with better qualifications.” And I have loans looming over my head that I need to figure shit out about and it feels like everything is falling apart all around me.
I’m just very sad and anxious.
There are many things to be thankful for, though. We will hopefully (fingers crossed) be moving soon out of this god-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere to OUR VERY OWN HOUSE. Please, God. I don’t want to kill myself right this very second. I have motivation to find a job. Boyfriend’s mom gave us a Nook (I dunno why, but I really like it). I’ve been reading a lot more. WE MADE SO MUCH FUCKING PROGRESS AS A NATION TONIGHT. I’ve been getting along better with my roommates. Boyfriend and I had amazing post-election result sex tonight. My friend I thought I lost is talking to me again (thank you, Jesus). Boyfriend and I are more hopeful about the future. I went to an amazing concert last week and got to hang out with an amazing friend. Thanksgiving is in a few weeks, which means kickass food. I’ve gotten a lot of good sex lately, unprotected, which feeds my slight fetish and very carnal wish nicely. I can cook things.
Last but not least, Boyfriend admitted he wanted to be engaged before the end of the year… :)
Life can be simultaneously suffocating and beautiful.
Boyfriend just told me that I should get on birth control again.
My whole entire life makes me sad right now
At least we get to go to the concert now. His parents are loaning us 20 bucks
I keep spotting and my cycle is so irregular and I’ll probably never get to experience pregnancy.
I wish I didn’t want this so badly. I didn’t think I’d be the one crying tonight. What the fuck is wrong with me
It never gets easier, does it?
Ugh
The tears are finally coming
I don’t think I’ll get to tarot readings today
I was trying to do one before I got really sad and then I tried doing it more and then I accidentally hit the refresh button and then I made noises like a sad, dying pterodactyl and made this post
We were supposed to go to a concert on Thursday, but now we don’t know if we’ll be able to because of money.
Allow me to go drown myself in the shower.
TAROT READINGS AGAIN!
Have questions you don’t have answers for? Feeling the need to try a new approach? Heard of it but don’t know what it is?
Let me help! :D
Cheesy advertising aside, I really want to do some tarot readings. If you would like a reading, or even more information, or just even want to ask me a question (*gasp*), please feel free to send me a message!
For more general information about readings, please refer to this post: http://a-carnal-wish.tumblr.com/post/32259895444/i-would-like-to-do-a-tarot-reading-for-you
echolail-a-deactivated20181204 asked: Sara - Cancer - 17. Two questions, is leaving him behind and not contacting him is the right thing to do? And this other "guy", is it going somewhere with him? Or I shouldn't bother with him. Thanks so much for doing this.
Hi again Sara! I got your back.
What do we do with the old?: Death
This is a clear signal if I’ve ever seen one: Let the past stay in the past. This is a new chapter of your life and he obviously isn’t going to be a part of it.
What should we think of the new?: Eight of Cups
Perhaps you shouldn’t bother with him. This is the card of weariness and moving on. Or perhaps you’re just tired of relationships in general at this point - if so, know that it’s okay to take a break and have some “me” time. Regardless, the tarot doesn’t seem to support the “other guy” either.
My interview went very well! :)
I just have to wait for a call now… I think I got it.
